BREAKING NEWS: Reese Witherspoon broke her finger

Reese Witherspoon

I’m not going to lie: It’s a dead news day and I’ve got some family things to attend to today, so these two fact put together means that I’m going to be scraping the bottom of the barrel today, as evidenced by this story of Reese Witherspoon sporting a cast on her pinky which for some reason has appeared on every gossip blog ever, including Us Weekly:

On Monday, the Oscar-winning actress, 35, stepped near her home in L.A.’s Brentwood neighborhood with a prominent new accessory on her right hand: a finger cast! No word yet on how the How Do You Know star sustained the injury; two days before, she and husband Jim Toth treated her kids Ava, 12, and Deacon, 8, to a day of rides and fun at Disneyland in Anaheim, California

I love how everyone is breathlessly trying to convince you that this is news, although I went ahead and mocked up a couple scenarios where Reese breaking the tiniest, most useless and fragile finger would actually be considered news:

  • Reese Witherspoon breaks pinky finger while trying to shoot the Prime Minister of Canada
  • Reese Witherspoon breaks pinky while fingering Robert Downey Jr.
  • Massive Explosion in downtown LA, Reese Witherspoon’s broken pinky finger is the only survivor

Those are the only scenarios where a broken pinky finger would be news. And they will never happen. So give it up already.

Reese Witherspoon

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.