Scarlett Johansson has officially lost her break up!

Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson

First off, let me just say that relationships and break-ups are not a competition. And if they were, do you really want to win a competition to see who can be the biggest douchebag to the other person while manipulating people to their own side? Exactly, not something you want to come out ahead in. That being said, if break-ups were a competition, I’d say Scarlett Johansson has completely fucking blown her chances of winning by shacking up with well-meaning-douche and evil-looking-goatee-enthusiast Sean Penn (seriously, what is up with that thing? Did he come over from the other dimension to kill the good Sean?)

“They were smiles all night and seemed to have a great time together,” a source at the restaurant tells People. “Scarlett and Sean sat very closely and exchanged flirty looks.” Johansson, 26, and Penn, 50, enjoyed an Italian feast at Cecconi’s West Hollywood, where they shared pasta and fish dishes washed down with wine, a source tells People. Adds the source: “Scarlett acted very intrigued by him. She would smile, nod her head and just listen to his stories.” SOURCE

Now I’m not saying that these two are fucking, I’m just saying that at this point there is no way in hell they haven’t NOT put their genitals together in a way that can described as sexually pleasurable. See? It’s all about semantics. It’s like saying that I DIDN’T steal that car, but that in a way, the concept of ownership is relative because we all rely on each other economically and I was pretty shit-faced at the time.

Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.