Snooki Falls Down, Does Not Go Boom

Well, it happened: MTV stayed true to their word and dropped Snooki to ring in the new year, and it was… boring. Really boring. MTV, you finally had the chance to destroy the beast you have created, watching it smolder in the fires of dadaist revolution, but no. Instead, you dropped a tangelo elf hooker in a little plastic ball. *Slow Clap*

The world was set abuzz when MTV announced that Snooki would drop from a glass ball in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Then, disappointment: the company running the festivities would have none of it, banning the Snooki drop.

A woman of dedication and perseverance, Snooki powered on, with the ball drop moved to her home turf of Seaside Heights, New Jersey. And though it was recorded a night earlier, the little self-styled Guidette indeed crawled into that ball “like a frickin hamster,’ as she said, and was dropped slowly as the faux year was rung in. SOURCE

I’m entirely convinced at this point that the executives at MTV have literally stopped trying and have resorted to just drinking heavily day in and day out to forget what it’s become. There’s still time, MTV! There’s still time! Cast off the shackles of your own self-imposed oppression and rise up from the ashes! Or at the very least, cancel Teen Mom already. That show is fucking awful.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.