STOP GETTING ENGAGED!

STOP THIS. STOP THIS NOW. Oh, sure, one celebrity engagement over Christmas was nice. Two was cute. TEN OF THEM IS INFURIATING. Add Reese Witherspoon to the pile because holy shit! Diamond rings! Everyone needs a diamond ring for Christmas! Why couldn’t you people just give each other a Kinect or something? They’re delightful! And they (usually) don’t end in divorce (unless you’re doing it really wrong)!

Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth are engaged to be married, their representative confirmed to Us Weekly.
The pair began dating in January after Witherspoon broke up with Jake Gyllenhaal. Toth, 40, is an agent at Creative Arts Agency, where Witherspoon is a client, though not his. SOURCE

I am taking each of these engagements as a personal assault on me, and for every one of them, I will punt a kitten like a football in their honor. What, you’re too good for a friggin’ ice cream maker? YOU CAN ALL SUCK IT!

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.