Oh goodie, the Kardashians are breeding now!

Kardashian Klan

What, like you thought they’d be done exploiting major personal life events for profit? HAHAHA, no. Like any good pimp, Kris Jenner knows to keep her hoes working for her out on the street, so now she’s making all three of her daughters get pregnant at the same time, because a good mother closely monitors her daughters cycles, then forces them to have sex with their various significant others in order to give her more hoes … I mean grandchildren. Who she will then make her hoes. According to Us Magazine:

What would Kim think if she got pregnant at the same time as Kourtney — who has a 20-month-old son Mason — and Khloe? “That would be a dream!” she gushed to Us Weekly Wednesday night at her Welcome to NYC party thrown by Jason Binn and Colin Cowie. ”

All three of us pregnant at the same time? That would be amazing!”

Kardashian matriarch Kris Jenner admitted to Us that she puts the pressure on her daughters to have kids. “I would love more grandchildren,” she said. “Mason is the love of our lives, and he is so much fun, but there’s only one Mason to go around. It would be nice if we had some more.”

The girls all seem on board with their mother’s plan. Kim admitted on an episode of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami earlier this year: “I seriously thought by the time I was 30, I would have one [baby] and a bun in the oven … I cannot wait to have a baby just like [Mason].”

Ignoring for a moment that pregnancies are notoriously hit-or-miss and full of potential problems and complications and that forcing three women to have perfectly synchronized pregnancies could potentially lead to some serious … well, let’s just call them “errors”, what kind of shithead excuse for a mom would make her kids get knocked up simultaneously for attention? Jesus Christ woman, the fact that your ovaries didn’t dry up the moment you hit puberty completely disproves a sane, rational universe.

Kardashian Klan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.