Well, Jesse James certainly has a type …

Sorry tattooed Nazi whores, but the only celebrity who would fuck you without turning you in for war crimes is off the market! That’s right, Jesse James has officially announced his engagement to tattooed reality star Kat Von D! Because, clearly, marrying the man who cheated on Sandra fucking Bullock, nature’s meal ticket, is a great idea.

“You know sometimes the public and press gets it wrong. This is one of those times. 2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs,” James tells PEOPLE exclusively. “I have never met anyone so kind and loving and committed to making the world a better place every day. My love for her is beyond description. So honored that she said ‘yes.’ Growing old with her is going to be a f—-n’ blast!” SOURCE

Wait, did he just say that 2010, the year that he cheated on America’s Sweetheart for Hitler’s pocketpussy and everyone realized he was a gigantic asshole … THAT year was the best of his life? Jesus. As a child, did his parents keep him in a wet, cardboard box while periodically jabbing him with a cattle prod? Because this is the only way that statement could possibly make sense.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.