You’re invited to Hugh Hefner’s pre-divorce!

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

Because there’s nothing more romantic than inviting people to witness the beginning of the sham wedding that will inevitably end in a messy divorce where you lose half of everything you own, Hugh Hefner‘s wedding invites are reportedly being sent out, because everyone needs to know the exact moment a succubus sucks a man’s soul out and devours it in front of a room full of stunned on-lookers.

Along with a photo of the hard-to-get card Hef, who’s set to wed blonde bombshell Crystal Harris on June 18 at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, tweeted: “Friends and family are already receiving our wedding invitation!” The elegantly-simple white card is studded with fuchsia and turquoise Swarovski crystals and reads: “Crystal Harris and Hugh M. Hefner request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their marriage.” Hef’s excited young bride (she’s 24, and he is 85!) recently spilled secrets to about their upcoming event. “This will be the most romantic wedding ever,” gushed Crystal, who’ll walk down the aisle in a Ramona Keveca gown. SOURCE

You know, it’s times like these, when I see such true displays of love and human connection, that I appreciate all the people who are fighting to keep gays from getting married in or to protect the institution of marriage. I mean, would you imagine two gay men or women loving each other? Gag. This is exactly how marriage should be: A legally binding agreement between a man and a woman who feel nothing for each other wherein the man has a hole to stick it in and the woman gets financial reliability. Everyone’s a winner.

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.