Good news, teenage girls loosely tethered to reality! The weird thing is, that’s the first time I’ve ever typed out that sentence without referring to Beliebers (Don’t worry! I still think you’re all terrible people! Kisses!) Anyway, it turns out Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart might be on the road to a nice big break-up, which I’m sure has nothing to do with the fact that Robert has a new movie coming out and could certainly use the money that would come with being a hot, single, British guy who millions of women believe is actually a sparkly pedophile vampire.
A source told Britain’s Daily Mirror, “Things have been a bit rocky for a while. They both have hectic work schedules, Rob in particular at the moment, and their phone calls were getting fewer and further between. They started to only see each other on set and began to drift apart until a general apathy developed. The excuses why they couldn’t meet up basically got weaker and weaker, and Rob figured they should officially cool things off and have some time to figure out what they each want.” SOURCE
Who the hell didn’t see this one coming? I mean let’s face it: He’s probably a huge gay (you’re welcome, MK!), she’s a moody weiner, and they both met on the set of a movie that neither of them can even pretend is good in any conceivable way. Seriously, if you look closely, you can actually see the disdain in their eyes while they’re acting. “Oh Bella, I can’t turn you because vampirism is a metaphor for sex … or something. All I know is that America Jesus said that sex is what killed all the Indians because God wanted us to build a Starbucks in Ohio. What the fuck ever. Can I have my money now?”