Snooki claims she’s not an alcoholic!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

In today’s ironic new story, Jersey Shore famewhore Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi told Parade that even though nearly every picture of her, not to mention every video clip, news story, stone-carved image and any other visual medium used to show Snooki always displays her drunk off her ass or in the process of getting drunk off her ass, she wants you all to know that she’s not an alcoholic. She just drinks all the time to the point where her life revolves around it. Completely different!

On the biggest misconception about her. “Probably that I’m an alcoholic and I drink and all I want to do is hook up. That’s totally not the case. You have to remember that reality shows capture your worst moments.”

Look, not that I don’t think MTV literally puts alcohol in her mouth, then records it in exchange for money all while editing out the parts where she’s sober while they go looking for more alcohol to pour into that open maw, but still, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. The second step is realizing that maybe being paid by a massive multimedia corporation to keep drinking and fucking and generally doing shit that makes you look like an ass might be one of those things that doesn’t really pay off in the long run. And then I think the third step is some bullshit about how magical books make you not want to drink anymore. I don’t know. The whole process has the same success rate as if you do it cold turkey.

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.